Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Posted by alilbit at 10:04 PM
Which pet would go best with each sign?
Aries: Anything, as long as it's got a lot of energy!
Taurus: A turtle: it's slow-moving, doesn't need a lot of attention, and won't compete with its owner for food.
Gemini: A talking parrot; need I say more? Well, of course I do, but--
Cancer: Anything, as long as it needs to be nurtured.
Leo: A big, bold, ferocious feline, as long as it doesn't compete with its owner's place in the sun.
Virgo: Let's see, I have to get up at 7:30 to feed it, let it out at 7:45, at 10:00 I need to go to the grocery store to pick up three cans of food, which will cost $3.86, including tax--
Libra : Hm, good question. One the one hand, a dog is active, affectionate, and companionable. On the other hand, a cat is pretty independent and won't require as much time and attention. Oh, I don't know. What would you do? Are you sure?
Scorpio: A cat. Secretive, mysterious, and unpredictable. What's not to like?
Sagittarius: A horse, of course! Let¹s hope it's got enough stamina to keep up with me.
Capricorn: Do I have to pay for it?
Aquarius : A hamster. First, I've got to set up a detailed cage with tubes going from here to here, and an energy sensor--they don't make anything like that? That's okay, I'm sure what I come up with will be much better.
Pisces : Fish. When their owner forgets about them for weeks on end, they're easy to replace. If Pisces remembers to replace them...
Posted by alilbit at 9:13 AM
A 2,500-year-old mirror worth almost a million dollars was dropped and smashed on a Chinese TV show. A model was showing the ancient mirror to the audience when it slipped from her hands and fell to the floor. It shattered into pieces, shocking the audience - especially owner Chen Fengjiu who was sitting in the front row.(via Neatorama)
Posted by alilbit at 3:14 AM
Monday, January 29, 2007
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says,"Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often. "Yeah, well there's just one thing..." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No....." "Well don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"
Posted by alilbit at 12:38 PM
February 2 brings the most-watched weather forecast of the year—and the only one led by a rodent. Legend has it that on this morning, if a groundhog can see its shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. If it cannot see its shadow, spring is on the way.
Why the Groundhog?
Since a groundhog (or woodchuck or "whistle pig") hibernates for the winter, its coming out of the ground is a natural sign of spring. In Europe centuries ago, people watched for other hibernating animals, including badgers, bears, and hedgehogs, as signs of winter's end. Germans who immigrated to Pennsylvania in the mid-1800s began keeping an eye on the groundhog. The widespread population of the rodent made it a handy agent for this particular weather superstition.
And a superstition it is. But there's a grain of truth: the winter days when you can see your shadow clearly are often especially cold, because there are no clouds overhead to insulate the earth.
Early February is midway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. In some places it is the start of planting season.
Posted by alilbit at 10:29 AM
Posted by alilbit at 10:15 AM
Duck found in refrigerator survives another brush with death
After enduring being shot, dragged by a dog and then having her presumed dead body thrown in a kitchen fridge, US wonder-fowl Perky the duck has again shown her lust for life during an operation to repair her injured wing yesterday.Perky suddenly stopped breathing during the operation, said Noni Beck, wildlife rehabilitator at the Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary in Tallahassee, FloridaThe vet began to operate and had just finished pinning Perky's wing when she abruptly stopped breathing, Ms Beck said."He's giving her oxygen, he's kind of tapping on her chest - he actually took a needle and kind of stuck her, because a little pain response can make you gag - and then he turned to me and said, 'She's gone, I am so sorry.' ''But suddenly the duck came back.Perky is now back at the sanctuary, doing well and spending much of her time on her personal heating pad, Ms Beck said.
posted by arbroath at 9:56 AM
Posted by alilbit at 2:47 AM
This is for my Australia Friends -
It’s a multicultural twist on an Aussie favourite that’s sure to get the tastebuds tingling this Australia Day.
Those celebrating the national day in Brisbane will have the chance to cool down after a couple of snags and beers - with a Vegemite gelato.
Italian-trained Gherardo Deflorian and his partner Lei Hua, of Brisbane’s Gelateria Cremona, concocted the unique ice cream flavour for lovers of the Australian icon.
“I thought we’d do something different for Australia Day and so I was thinking about maybe lamington, but Vegemite has to be more controversial,” Mr Deflorian told AAP.
“When I came to Australia there’s so many more ingredients than there were in Italy so I like to keep my job a bit more fun, a bit more interesting so I try new things.
“Everything can be transformed into a gelato.”
Posted by alilbit at 2:32 AM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Three missionaries, two of them Presbyterians of good breeding and education and one a Free Will Baptist from the sticks, were captured by cannibals. They were taken to a guarded tent and thrown in.One of the Presbyterian preachers hollered, "What are you going to do with me?"A cannibal guard stuck his head in and replied, "We're going to fatten you up one at a time, boil you, eat you, and use your skin to make a big canoe."Within an hour, a huge meal was served to this minister, who was quite hungry and snarfed it all down, after which he was dragged out of the tent, never to be seen again.The second minister bawled, "Guard! What are you going to do to me?!"The cannibal poked his head in the tent, rolled his eyes, and said, "We're going to fatten you up, boil you, eat you, and use your skin to make a big canoe."And just like with the first preacher, this one was promptly served a huge meal, which he devoured quickly because of his hunger, after which he was dragged out of the tent, never to be seen again.The Free Will Baptist minister had stayed silent through all of this. The cannibal stuck his head in to see why the fellow wasn't demanding to know the details of his fate and saw that the guy was just sitting there. The cannibal shrugged his shoulders and handed him the big meal.A little later, the cannibal stuck his head in the tent, and the first thing he saw was that the meal was untouched; then he realized that the Baptist was over in the corner stabbing himself all over his back and stomach with the fork that had been provided with the food.The cannibal yelled, "What th' Hell are you DOING?!!" to which the heavily bleeding man replied:"Ain't nobody gonna make a canoe outta ME!"
Posted by alilbit at 4:07 AM
Posted by alilbit at 2:25 AM
Yours was the second-to-last store that I shopped at today. Well, tried to shop at, in any event. This letter is to apologize for my conduct.I simply didn’t realize that it was corporate policy to have all four employees leave the floor and stand around in the stock area eating Subway sandwiches as soon as the door alarm “bonged” to alert them to the fact that a potential customer had finally walked through the front door.To your employees’ credit, they kept a close watch, taking their eyes off me only when I looked at them to see if there was any chance that they might help me, as I prowled the store, looking for a video cable and two mounting brackets for speakers. You will be happy to know that they were watching to make sure that I didn’t steal anything. They sure as hell weren’t watching to see if I needed any help.When the second set of customers of the day finally came in, the pimpliest employee sauntered out, sandwich in hand, and, noting that I was engaged in calming breathing exercises, walked past me to help them.I am truly sorry that I walked to the back, approached the manager, and told him that I sincerely hoped that my pathetic efforts to spend money in your store had not, in any way, interfered with the staff group-lunch. Sorry, because the dripping sarcasm was wasted on a drooling, slack-jawed pot of lard whose attention was clearly focused on the flaccid meat, fetid cheese and limp brown lettuce that he, so obviously and desperately, wanted to shove in his gaping cake hole.The sandwich won his attention. I shopped elsewhere, and am now sitting at my computer, taking very deep breaths and swearing never to shop at this store as long as I live.Yours Truly,Bob Johnson
Posted by alilbit at 1:55 AM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Sokojoo the baby monkey has been abandoned by her mother - because of her chronic hiccups.The tiny Colobus started the noisy spasms within days of being born on December 30.Staff at Newquay Zoo in Cornwall said she was gulping down milk from her mum Sierra too quickly and making the ’hic’ sound after every feed.The problem got so bad that Sierra refused to feed her and started sitting on top of the 800g mite as a sign of rejection.Keepers have now removed Sokojoo from the Colobus enclosure and are hand-rearing her with a bottle.But the burping baby - whose name means ’hiccup’ in the Mandinka language of her native Gambia - is still sounding off after her regular feed every two hours.See a video of Sokojoo here.
Posted by alilbit at 11:52 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
wardrobe malfunction***********This child has a funny daddy!!
Posted by alilbit at 2:16 AM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
SYDNEY, (Reuters Life!) - It's being called the "Gnomesville Massacre" and emergency workers in Western Australia are offering a reward for the capture of vandals who smashed their way through a local tourist attraction.
An unknown number of attackers lopped off the heads or smashed several dozen of the pot-bellied statues this week at Gnomesville, a collection of more than a 1,000 colorful characters deep in a forest south of Perth.
"We are incensed by the damage done to the gnomes and willing to pay a reward to catch the culprits," State Emergency Service Volunteer Association President Phillip Petersen told Reuters.
Six orange-colored gnomes depicting emergency workers were among those destroyed, Petersen said, adding the reward was A$500 ($390).
The population of Gnomesville has grown from a handful of statues placed covertly in the forest a few years ago, making it a popular stop off for tour buses visiting nearby vineyards.
Posted by alilbit at 10:11 AM
SEWARD, Alaska--While exploring ancient native habitats, archaeologist Herbert Swanson stumbled upon an unusual tribe of Eskimos in a secluded fjord.
"It was a tribe consisting of over three dozen old people," said Swanson. "I had a good idea why they were there, but I wanted to be sure."
Since all the Eskimos seemed to qualify as tribal elders, Swanson approached the nearest to learn more about their community.
"I arrived here fifteen years ago from the Alaskan Range," said the woman, whose name was Kirima. "You see, when a tribe is perilously low on food, the elderly are put on ice floes and sent to sea to die. It is an old custom, accompanied by much prayer and thanksgiving for the life the old one led. It may seem cruel, but it's better than being eaten by hungry young tribe members."
Kirima explained that, as it happens, Arctic currents brought centuries of exiled Eskimos to this inlet, where they established a colony called 'Fjorida'.
"There are daily shuffleboard games, in which the colonists push chunks of ice across the frozen pond using tree branches," said Swanson. "They've made mah-jongg tiles using small carved stones and they even have an igloo that serves Early Bird specials of--well, early-rising birds like the albatross and penguin."
Swanson explained to Kirima that senilicide was no longer practiced among the Eskimos, and that they could go home if they wished. "I don't think so," said the elderly woman. "We like it here. Though it would be nice if those rotten kids visited now and then."
Posted by alilbit at 6:27 AM
A shark with the ugly proportions of the pre-historic era has surfaced near Japan offering a rare view of this denizen of the deep.The 'Frilled Shark' is hardly ever seen because its habitat is 600 metres or more below the ocean surface. If you ask me ,it belongs down there! Yipes!!
Posted by alilbit at 2:59 AM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Bryan loves Trista and one day he will marry her.They do everything together.It's just a shame that Trista only has one facial expression.
Posted by alilbit at 9:16 AM
Here are two bored kids in Nelsonville, Ohio, who took a train for a joyride . . . . . The German website Erento will rent you any of 2,200 things or services, including demonstrators for your political protest at about $190 a day . . . . . A Colorado woman’s lawyer now wants full First Amendment protection for her client’s having dropped off some dog poop at the office of U.S. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (of whom she disapproves) . . . . . Gov. Perdue of Georgia is against the possibility of beer and wine sales on Sundays, but he says it’s just because he wants to teach Georgians how to manage their time better, i.e., get all y'all's damn shopping done on Saturday . . . . . Mistakes on TSA’s "no-fly" list include the one that occasionally gets the wife of U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens pulled aside because Catherine Stevens’s nickname is "Cat," making her Yusuf Islam . . . . . Don’t you hate it when this happens—you’re out digging for worms in winter, and you get water in your boots, and it freezes, and your feet get stuck in the boot ice? . . . . . Another gov’t official who embezzled taxpayer money only to lose it in a Nigerian scam (and he’s a county treasurer!) . . . . . The marketing of cannabis-containing foods (mostly to medical-marijuana licensees) is getting pretty elaborate [link from BoingBoing.net] . . . . . A now-convicted New Hampshire federal tax-evader (who refuses to be one of the "little frogs sitting in [the] boiling water" of "fascist" America) is holed up in his home, with either "major jail time" or "The Only Way Out" in his future.
Posted by alilbit at 2:57 AM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
A SPADE IS A SPADE: HOW TO MAKE A TRUCKER CAP OUT OF GARBAGE.Trucker caps are all the rage these days, so much so that the poorer Americans can no longer afford to wear them. To fight such hat gentrification, The Black Table shows you how to make trucker hats from household crap.
Posted by alilbit at 5:13 AM
Monday, January 22, 2007
A variable-speed knob is located on the eyeball so you can synchronize the blinker to the beat. There is also an emergency push-button kill switch.The Pac Man Guitar.Wonder if the kill switch makes the WAA WAA WAA Hiccup sound??
Posted by alilbit at 11:41 PM
This is a true story of how alcohol stole my young son's life.If you don't read anything else on my pages please READ THIS!! Please copy and paste it wherever you'd like-it's a story that needs to be told!!I have been going to blog about this for quite a while now.I was always afraid I would'nt have the right words to say and I realize I may never have them - September of 1975 we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl named Monica ! Her daddy and I were ecstatic as we were beginning to think we wouldn't be able to have kids.The minute this little doll saw her daddy's face she appeared to be saying "Oh daddy I love you so much". I wish we had a camera to embrace this moment but as luck would have it we didn't think about it.In August of 1980 we were once again blessed with a strapping and darling baby boy! He was a spit-fire ( was rolling over minutes after he was born).From day one he was his sister's baby and noone else could pick him up except sis.Every picture we have of Matthew, sis was there too, snuggling him up neath her tiny chin.Even though they were 5 years apart this closeness went on until Matthew was in Jr. High, after that High School came along for big sis so she was able to do more things with her friends and he went his way with his own.Everyone called them the little M&M's because of their initials and they were always together. And as you can see in the photo they also looked very much alike. I think they were both in 2nd grade when the pics were taken. Different years of course but in the pics , same age.In March 2005 our world and life as we knew it came crashing down. Matthew and I had our usual gm hug and love yous and then he went back and laid down. He complained of his back hurting and I asked if I could do anything and he said "No mom just a glass of water I am thirsty". So he got his glass of water and that is the last breath I saw him take. Around 1:15 on a Tuesday afternoon, Matthew had passed away ,where he always slept , on the floor in a room off our kitchen. The findings without an autopsy were alcohol poisoning.We knew he drank, I went to many AA meetings with him and have found out in passing he had been very depressed, and may have been ill. You would never have thought of him as a depressed young man. He was so full of life, joked, danced,and hardly ever was seen without a smile or a kind word.Matthew was 24 years old (my baby).The reason I am doing this is to inform people of the dangers of not just illegal drugs but the legal ones as well.And don't think it won't or can't happen to a friend or loved one. There was nothing in this world that could have prepared us for this. He was living at home, hardly ever went out, was my caregiver for 4 years,and was of legal age to buy alcohol. He didn't show signs such as slurring, or tripping, but he did have some hallucinations towards the end. I didn't write this to bum anyone out or to bring people down. I did it because a life is precious, everyone has the right for happiness, and life is too short to let that all go unnoticed. Tell your loved ones everyday how much you love them and how much they mean to you. We get emails every day that tells us to do this , but do we ever really let it sink in?I really hope I expressed my self in some way. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to write but, I feel my heart would burst wide open if I didn't- I will admit these events have changed me but, I haven't stopped the caring. Thank You All For Reading!! AND PLEASE PASS THE MESSAGE ALONG!!!
Posted by alilbit at 9:09 AM
Paw prints show kids how much toilet paper to use. Kids follow the prints to the puppy and tear off the right amount.Also useful for adults.
Posted by alilbit at 5:24 AM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Posted by alilbit at 10:39 PM
billboards of the past And most are older than I am!! I love that!!
Posted by alilbit at 10:06 PM
I actually had some of these****Smoking Baby *****
Studies show that ceramic babies are born with a natural predilection for miniaturized incense masquerading as cigarettes.So help them scratch that itch with this 2 3/4" tall diapered baby, equipped with a pack of ten Li'l Smokes plus one in his mouth ready to burn.This product is involved in a trademark dispute with Philip Morris.Not because the tobacco giant is offended by the thought of an infant lighting up, but rather because the diapered cigarette enthusiast appears to be enjoying a trademarked Marlboro.
Posted by alilbit at 6:18 AM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
In case you can't read what the sign says .It basically is telling you the floor was intentionally designed to bring harmony to the soul and natural vibrations to the body. Don't know about you but it would make me dizzy, have me do a face flop, nauseate me, and knock out my wind. Heck I can trip over a dust bunny.
Posted by alilbit at 9:31 PM
Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
Posted by alilbit at 8:34 PM
Friday, January 19, 2007
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.A grandfather is a man grandmother.Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also! Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."They don't say, "Hurry up."Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.They wear glasses and funny underwear.They can take their teeth and gums out.Grandparents don't have to be smart.They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT!"
Posted by alilbit at 9:46 PM
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Posted by alilbit at 7:34 PM
Battery charged battery charge
Rubber cooking pans
Remote control extension(when batteries run out)
Folding water bed.
The combination treadmill/deep-frier
A dvd rewinder
Power generators run on electricity
The Cupboard Opener
Belly button lint remover
cold proof oven mits
Posted by alilbit at 7:25 PM
What a coincidence huh? It is an awesome product! Build a Bear Workshop
Posted by alilbit at 6:41 PM