* * * * * * * * *Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room watching a programme about old age.I said to her, ' I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine to keep me alive and taking fluids directly from a bottle.If that ever happens, just pull the plug'.She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
* * * * * * * * *

Cute Japanese Commercial For Green Tea

~Operation For Underwear Thief~

Nughty pooch Taffy needed emergency surgery to remove a pair of underpants from his tummy — the 40th pair he has gobbled up.
The Springer Spaniel pup got the kids’ briefs stuck in his stomach after finding them on the floor. His owner also — a vet — performed the two-hour op.
The 18-month-old Taffy has also eaten 300 socks, 15 pairs of shoes and a Mercedes key fob.
He added: “Nine times out of ten nature takes its course, but this time he was in discomfort.”

The owner's wife says,
“No matter where I hide underwear, he finds it.”

A Cute Childhood Belief

My mom would let me play with Play-Doh sometimes when I was little. When I was finished playing, I would pack the Play-Doh in its container. My mom would always warn me to put the lid on tight, so "the Play-Doh won't draw ants." I always wondered how in the heck my blob of Play-Doh could draw pictures of ants.~Bill.

Some People Never Grow Up~

For Lazy Kids
This kind of takes the fun out of building a snowman: Snowman-in-a-Box.
Building a real snowman can be fun but what happens if you're not able to properly accessorize him?!? Well, this Snowman-in-a-Box kit will make sure all your hard work pays off. Kit includes a pipe, top hat, scarf & more.
Apparently, "more" is two black buttons and a plastic carrot.
When you click on the link above, you will be astounded at all the other cool junk they have to offer.

Pool Ball Rings
There are interesting: Numbered Pool Ball Ring.
This ring is hand carved from a used pool ball. As every ring I make is a one of a kind, no two are identical and the dimensions will vary.
I can make yours in sizes 5-10, and can carve it from whichever pool ball in the set strikes your fancy, from 1-15. Just note your preferred size and number in the notes to seller.
$160 each.

Making a scarecrow is great fun and can add to the appearance of the garden, as well as keep the birds away.Have fun with the link!

All I want for Christmas is a 400$ glass sculpture of an octopus. See~ isn't she lovely?

WHOO Put Your Face on a bill too!Yup this is the kooky face behind "Malted Monkey".The Personalized Money Generator

An Interesting Find

Mexicans have an amazing assortment of educational teaching tools/toys. They are really fantastic and unlike the United States not everything is branded like crazy. Wood toys were popular and of course the Mexican teaching posters and there were many fantastic model kits and Styrofoam teaching toys. I'd love to speak with a teacher to find out at what age the mouth is used and also in what class? There is a chart on the back detailing the different teeth and other parts of the mouth. A little bit strange...

Here's the reason why Asian kids are so far

ahead of students in other countries. My opinion is this:Not worth it!

Halloween Creepiness

The World's Creepiest Places

20 very funny and amusing facts that you didnt know about!
1. To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine.
2. SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below.
3. The Boeing 747 is capable of flying upside-down if it weren't for the fact that the wings would shear off when trying to roll it over.
4. Male rhesus monkeys often hang from tree branches by their amazing prehensile penises.
5. The increased electricity used by modern appliances is causing a shift in the Earth's magnetic field. By the year 2327, the North Pole will be located in mid-Kansas, while the South Pole will be just off the coast of East Africa.
6. In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi.
7. The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry.
8. Due to the natural "momentum" of the ocean, saltwater fish cannot swim backwards.
9. Although difficult, it's possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos.
10. In WWII the US military planned to airdrop over France propaganda in the form of Playboy magazine, with coded messages hidden in the models' turn-ons and turn-offs. The plan was scrapped because of a staple shortage due to rationing of metal.
11. Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms.
12. Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.
13. Approximately one-sixth of your life is spent on Wednesdays.
14. Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of real camels.
15. Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.
16. In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.
17. The volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave 17.3 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway.
18. The skin needed for elbow transplants must be taken from the scrotum of a cadaver.
19. Silly Putty was "discovered" as the residue left behind after the first latex condoms were produced. It's not widely publicized for obvious reasons.
20. Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting.

And Now You Know~Ha Ha!

Cute Quartet

I guess bird's carol at Halloween time.Wonder if

they are singing the "Birdie Mash"?Maybe
"ROCKIN' ROBIN".

"Don't Swallow"

Undies Can Be Your Best ASS et

Some Not So Hot Mug Shots

Knock, knockWho’s there?Adolf Adolf who?Adolph ball hit me in de mowf. Dat’s why I dawk dis way.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket."Keep it," the cop said. "When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

Right Now...

- somebody is very proud of you.

- somebody is thinking of you.-

somebody is caring about you.-

somebody misses you.-

somebody wants to talk to you.-

somebody wants to be with you.-

somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.-

somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.-

somebody wants to hold your hand.-

somebody hopes everything turns out all right.-

somebody wants you to be happy.-

somebody wants you to find him/her.

- somebody is celebrating your successes.-

somebody wants to give you a gift.-

somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.-

somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot-

somebody wants to hug you.-

somebody loves you.-

somebody wishes you would lavish them with small things.-

somebody admires your strength.-

somebody is thinking of you and smiling.-

somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.-

somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.-

somebody thinks the world of you.-

somebody wants to protect you.-

somebody would do anything for you.-

somebody wants to be forgiven.-

somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.-

somebody wants to laugh with you all night long about old times.-

somebody remembers you fondly and wishes that you were there.-

somebody is praising God for you.-

somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.-

somebody values your advice.-

somebody wants to tell you how much they care.-

somebody wants to stay up all night watching old movies with you.-

somebody wants to share their dreams with you.-

somebody wants to hold you in their arms.-

somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.-

somebody treasures your spirit.

Heard Of a Smoking Gun Perhaps But What about This?

http://www.folloder.com/pix/clips/smokingmonkey.swf I think you just might get a
smile from this~If not well ~HMMMmmmmmmm you are unfunny !

Is Pollen Like Catnip For Bees?

Every Fly Has It's Day

Breakups are hard at any stage in life!

Rare Chinese Monkey Picked Tea
Legend says that over ten centuries ago, upon seeing his master pick tea leaves, a monkey climbed up and collected the leaves and brought them down for his master.
Whether it be legend or simply a cheaper form of labor, the story has turned into a rare product that you can purchase and enjoy.
Monkey Picked Tea is a rare tea that is carefully picked by specially trained monkeys in a remote mountain region of China.

For my Birthday I

asked my husband for earrings .

I should

have been more specific I suppose!

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:





1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.



via

Virgo's Daily Funscope:

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to just walk down the street, going "Doo wah ditty, ditty dum ditty doo." I'd stop short of taking a walk on the wild side, though.

A Little On The Rude Side

Playdoh Recipe

2
cups flour
1/2
cup salt
1
tablespoon cream of tartar
1
teaspoon cooking oil
2
cups water
food coloring

Place in saucepan.
cook over moderate heat for 5 minutes.
store in plastic bag in fridge.

There's a new movie at our local theater called

"Attack Of The Killer Lumber Yard". These people were told to stay away but did they listen?Heck NOOOOoooooo!

~Comparing Email To A Penis~

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don’t apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

~Here's Some Weirdness~

Weird America - The Monkey Business Joke Shop
Click To Play
VIDEO: Bernie Markett shucked his boat, bought an old trolly car and opened a joke shop in Lincoln City, Oregon. Little did anyone know it would become a Farting Center.

Hillary Nut Cracker Or Ball Breaker LOL

Late Breaking News- FEATURED ON MSNBC-TV! Click here to see the news clip.




Order now for the Holidays and to insure you’ll haveHillary-cracked nuts for those primary parties.Demand is strong and growing!

Click here to see aHillary Nutcracker videoon YouTube!
Move mouse over her legs to see her crack a real nut!

"I know where I'll be doing all my gift shopping!"--- Laura Bush

Hillary Nuts in the shell also available!
" “I am not running andI am not a nut.Seriously, I am not a nut.”--- Al Gore

The Official Hillary Nutcracker T-ShirtsHeavyweight, 100% Cotton
For men
For women
"Hillary Nutcracker, that's redundant, isn't it?"--- Rudy Giuliani
"I can feel the squeeze.I can feel Bill's pain."--- Barack Obama




All quotes from America's most respected unidentified source. In other words, we made them up.
The Hillary Nutcracker - Patent Pending
Brought to you by
A division of Eagleview USA, Inc.
"No comment"--- Bill Clinton
© 2007 Eagleview USA, Inc.

This dog smells twice as bad as a normal dog!Why? Because he has

2 noses.

I Like This Man's Thinking..................

Aug 12 1869
In San Francisco, Emperor Norton I issues a stern edict outlawing both the Republican and Democratic political parties. Violators face a prison term of five-to-ten years.

Becky Carter who takes the most horrifying picturs of girls with their eyes so wide it’s almost Villiage of the Damned. Would you like an example? How about four?

This is a still from Villiage of the Damned if you haven’t seen it.

Parents, do not do this to your kids it will damage their fragile minds which have been entrusted to you. via~ http://miceland.com

May Angels rest beside your door.May you hear Their voices sing.May you feel Their loving care for you.May you hear Their peace bells ring.May Angels always care for youAnd not let you trip and fall.May They bear you up on Angel's wings.May They keep you standing tall. May They whisper wisdom in your ear.May They touch you when you need.May They remove from you each trace of fear.May They keep you from feeling greed. May They fill you with their presence.May They always stand besides youAnd make you ever bold.May They teach you what you need to knowAbout life here and hereafter.May They fill you always with their loveAnd give you the gift of laughter.