Wednesday, December 12, 2007

~Men's Views on Life In General~

Female Friends:
Men do not recognize female friends. There are male friends and potential dates; that's it.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty Is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

Foreign Facial Matter :
If a man has something on his face, such as a hair, food, dirt, or beer foam, a man is not obligated to warn him about it. It is up to his discretion on whether or not to inform him of the foreign matter. UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS A MAN TO WIPE THE FOREIGN MATERIAL OFF THE OTHER MAN'S FACE. NO EXCEPTIONS
On a related law, a man is to try to wipe off foreign material off a womans breast no matter how small.
Girl "Dibs" Guideline :

If a man expresses interest in a woman to his friends, he has dibs, or exclusive rights to her. For a guy to call dibs, said woman must know his name and be in his league. Dibs are automatically broken if said woman shoots him down or flirts with one of said friends. Dibs expire after a period of two weeks and cannot be called again by said man on said woman. At this point said friends have every right to call dibs on said woman.
High Fives :

If two men are to high five each other and their hands miss, it is not permissible to attempt another high five. That would be comparable to holding hands.
Honorary Manhood
A woman qualifes for honorary manhood if she displays 2 out of 3 of the following:
She is as competent as the guys at burping and farting.
She consistently beats the guys at any man game.
She engages in man talk fluently and often.
Honorary manhood has the following implications:
All rights and responsibilities of the Man Code apply as if she were a man.
Men don't flirt with other men, not even honorary ones.
Man Hugs (Mugs) :

Are to be done only with one arm
Each other's face should not come to close to each other
Violently pat on back
Nearly break the other guy's rib cage
Men do not linger
Man Touch:

If man A touches man B in the crotch or buttocks, whether accidental or on purpose, man B is required to punch man A in the face.
An exception to this rule occurs however if man A is congratulating man B on an outstanding play made in a sporting event by slapping the buttocks of man B. Only brief contact may be made. Any prolonged touching does not apply to this exception and will result in man B punching man A in the face.
One other exception-Contact may be fleetingly made to another man's crotch if it is to jimmy-tap, punch, or otherwise cause the other man to keel over in pain, inciting laughter from other men nearby.
Physique Comments:

A man is to not comment on another mans physique of any kind, unless in the name of humor.
Relationship Rules :

No man is allowed to make fun of or negatively coment on any other man's hookup, girlfriend, FwB, ect., unless he has previously been involved in some sort of relationship with her, thus insulting himself in the process
A man is allowed to date a friend's sister IF and ONLY IF she is older than your friend, and is rated a 7 (on a scale of 1-10) by at least 3 other friends
Men do NOT give relationship advice to other men unless requested. Venting about a woman does NOT imply a request for relationship advice.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you intend to marry her.
Do not be a c*ck block. Any attempts to foil another man's potential hook-up are completely unacceptable. Even if said man is your enemy or this blocking is done in the pursuit of humor, it is totally uncool. It is encouraged that the blocker is to be beaten severely and/or referred to as princess for respective periods of time.

A man is obligated to provide wingman services to guys who are good friends. The wingman's mission is to help the friend get hooked-up. A wingman is not allowed to discuss the mission, especially if it was a failure. Discussing a secret mission may result in forfeit of future wingman reciprocation and demotion of friend status.
Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party or bar hopping, in doing so, surrenders any right to life, and lives further only at the mercy of other Men.

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