New Stock Market Terms

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULLMARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEARMARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUEINVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/ERATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER-- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD&POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCKANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCKSPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIALPLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKETCORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASHFLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo@ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONALINVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use