1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building intact. It’s called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What’s the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing’s right, and on the right side nothing’s left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it’s a scam. Don’t fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush’s copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Bush’s response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my checks is returned stamped ‘insufficient funds’, I won’t know whether that refers to mine or the bank’s.
Bonus Quote: 11. Where did all the money go??? Duh.
C’mon, let’s look at the lighter side of recession for a change — what’s your favorite quote???
