Thursday, February 22, 2007

Shortage Of Birdie Ny~Quil

Asian Bird Flu Fears Prompt Mass Production of Bird NyQuil

For six weeks now, world leaders have been scrambling for dwindling supplies of Bird NyQuil to combat any further pandemics of the Asiatic Bird Flu. Reports have been flying in from disheveled nests and filthy cages, as well as most of the known global flocking zones, and the chirpings and squawks therein have not been very positive.

East Atlantic Blue-Bellied Hawks have apparently suffered the worst thus far, with roughly 90% of their population knocked completely off their wings and 98% reporting common Bird Flu symptoms like stuffy beaks, upset gizzards, and scratchy crops.

Emergency supplies of Plucky's Chick'n-Noodle Soup are being shipped around-the-clock to all known and registered birds in the world, except, of course, the chickens, who will receive Mr. Gobbley's Turkey-Noodle Soup as a substitute. However, most paranoid pessimists fear that simple soups will not be enough to fight a malady that many parakeets describe as a "twitter-tweet-tweet-whoo-whoo".

The only other effective treatment for the Asiatic Bird Flu, Bird NyQuil (the red and green varieties), will be needed in vast quantities...quantities that bird and medicine and bird medicine experts say simply don't exist.

"Quack," commented a worried duck in Delaware.

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