There's a new movie at our local theater called
"Attack Of The Killer Lumber Yard". These people were told to stay away but did they listen?Heck NOOOOoooooo!
14 years ago
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
~Comparing Email To A Penis~
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don’t apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don’t apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
~Here's Some Weirdness~
Weird America - The Monkey Business Joke Shop
Click To Play
VIDEO: Bernie Markett shucked his boat, bought an old trolly car and opened a joke shop in Lincoln City, Oregon. Little did anyone know it would become a Farting Center.
Click To Play
VIDEO: Bernie Markett shucked his boat, bought an old trolly car and opened a joke shop in Lincoln City, Oregon. Little did anyone know it would become a Farting Center.
Hillary Nut Cracker Or Ball Breaker LOL
Late Breaking News- FEATURED ON MSNBC-TV! Click here to see the news clip.
Order now for the Holidays and to insure you’ll haveHillary-cracked nuts for those primary parties.Demand is strong and growing!
Click here to see aHillary Nutcracker videoon YouTube!
Move mouse over her legs to see her crack a real nut!
"I know where I'll be doing all my gift shopping!"--- Laura Bush
Hillary Nuts in the shell also available!
" “I am not running andI am not a nut.Seriously, I am not a nut.”--- Al Gore
The Official Hillary Nutcracker T-ShirtsHeavyweight, 100% Cotton
For men
For women
"Hillary Nutcracker, that's redundant, isn't it?"--- Rudy Giuliani
"I can feel the squeeze.I can feel Bill's pain."--- Barack Obama
All quotes from America's most respected unidentified source. In other words, we made them up.
The Hillary Nutcracker - Patent Pending
Brought to you by
A division of Eagleview USA, Inc.
"No comment"--- Bill Clinton
© 2007 Eagleview USA, Inc.
Order now for the Holidays and to insure you’ll haveHillary-cracked nuts for those primary parties.Demand is strong and growing!
Click here to see aHillary Nutcracker videoon YouTube!
Move mouse over her legs to see her crack a real nut!
"I know where I'll be doing all my gift shopping!"--- Laura Bush
Hillary Nuts in the shell also available!
" “I am not running andI am not a nut.Seriously, I am not a nut.”--- Al Gore
The Official Hillary Nutcracker T-ShirtsHeavyweight, 100% Cotton
For men
For women
"Hillary Nutcracker, that's redundant, isn't it?"--- Rudy Giuliani
"I can feel the squeeze.I can feel Bill's pain."--- Barack Obama
All quotes from America's most respected unidentified source. In other words, we made them up.
The Hillary Nutcracker - Patent Pending
Brought to you by
A division of Eagleview USA, Inc.
"No comment"--- Bill Clinton
© 2007 Eagleview USA, Inc.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I Like This Man's Thinking..................
Aug 12 1869
In San Francisco, Emperor Norton I issues a stern edict outlawing both the Republican and Democratic political parties. Violators face a prison term of five-to-ten years.
Becky Carter who takes the most horrifying picturs of girls with their eyes so wide it’s almost Villiage of the Damned. Would you like an example? How about four?
This is a still from Villiage of the Damned if you haven’t seen it.
Parents, do not do this to your kids it will damage their fragile minds which have been entrusted to you. via~ http://miceland.com
This is a still from Villiage of the Damned if you haven’t seen it.
Parents, do not do this to your kids it will damage their fragile minds which have been entrusted to you. via~ http://miceland.com
Friday, August 10, 2007
May Angels rest beside your door.May you hear Their voices sing.May you feel Their loving care for you.May you hear Their peace bells ring.May Angels always care for youAnd not let you trip and fall.May They bear you up on Angel's wings.May They keep you standing tall. May They whisper wisdom in your ear.May They touch you when you need.May They remove from you each trace of fear.May They keep you from feeling greed. May They fill you with their presence.May They always stand besides youAnd make you ever bold.May They teach you what you need to knowAbout life here and hereafter.May They fill you always with their loveAnd give you the gift of laughter.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
~Things That Irritate Sane People~
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
When you need a salesperson, you can never find one.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
When you need a salesperson, you can never find one.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sorry about not posting in a while.
Been having major problems with the dsl system I am
on. I am hoping the bugs will be worked out soon.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Jefferson Stick proudly holds up his most prized hunting trophy.
Piggy Slaying Raises Questions About Hunting Muppets !
FLORENCE, Ala. (CAP) - The slaughter of Miss Piggy by an 11-year-old Alabama boy with a shotgun has led to a national debate over whether it's appropriate to gun down animals who wear jewelry and can speak French, even marginally.
Jefferson Stick of Huntsville was hunting with his father and two guides earlier this month when he killed the famous swine, who had surprised them by jumping out from behind a tree wearing a mauve satin evening gown and pearls and declaring, "Are you boys looking for moi?" Stick shot the animal eight times with a single barrel shotgun and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.
"And it weren't easy, neither, 'cause she kept tryin' to hy-ah me," Stick told reporters as he held up Piggy's head, her long blond locks wound tightly around his pudgy fingers.
"This was a horrible example of cruelty to Muppets," said Daphne Namonovitch of PeTFA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Felt Animals. "We've always said that if you have to kill a Muppet you should do it quickly and humanely, like all those times Beaker got his head blown off."
The news spread quickly through the Muppet community. "We were shocked and saddened to hear of Miss Piggy's untimely demise," said Muppet spokesman Fozzie Bear. "We thought it was just her career that was dead! Ha-aaah! Wocka wocka wocka!"
Longtime Miss Piggy companion Kermit the Frog declined to comment on the incident, but according to one associate, Sam the Eagle, Kermit looked "noticeably relieved" when he heard the news, before getting into his limo and heading off to his Hamptons estate with Japanese supermodel Erina Yamaguchi.
While noting that all 11-year-olds do have the right to bear arms, "This whole shooting shows a serious lack of quality and moral content," said Sam, adding, "not at all like that time Dick Cheney shot his friend, which was entirely wholesome."
Authorities have also not ruled out the possibility of retribution on the part of the Muppets, especially given that Stick's uncle, Jesse Fender of Blountsville, Ala., was found dead in his trailer earlier this week, apparently beaten to death by drumsticks.
Meanwhile, Stick said Miss Piggy's head will be stuffed and her meat would be made into breakfast sausages that would be devoured by notorious curmudgeons Statler and Waldorf.
"I don't think they'll be overcooked," noted Statler.
"Why is that?" asked Waldorf.
"Because her acting was never well done!" he replied, prompting the duo to fall over each other in hearty guffaws.
Piggy Slaying Raises Questions About Hunting Muppets !FLORENCE, Ala. (CAP) - The slaughter of Miss Piggy by an 11-year-old Alabama boy with a shotgun has led to a national debate over whether it's appropriate to gun down animals who wear jewelry and can speak French, even marginally.
Jefferson Stick of Huntsville was hunting with his father and two guides earlier this month when he killed the famous swine, who had surprised them by jumping out from behind a tree wearing a mauve satin evening gown and pearls and declaring, "Are you boys looking for moi?" Stick shot the animal eight times with a single barrel shotgun and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.
"And it weren't easy, neither, 'cause she kept tryin' to hy-ah me," Stick told reporters as he held up Piggy's head, her long blond locks wound tightly around his pudgy fingers.
"This was a horrible example of cruelty to Muppets," said Daphne Namonovitch of PeTFA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Felt Animals. "We've always said that if you have to kill a Muppet you should do it quickly and humanely, like all those times Beaker got his head blown off."
The news spread quickly through the Muppet community. "We were shocked and saddened to hear of Miss Piggy's untimely demise," said Muppet spokesman Fozzie Bear. "We thought it was just her career that was dead! Ha-aaah! Wocka wocka wocka!"
Longtime Miss Piggy companion Kermit the Frog declined to comment on the incident, but according to one associate, Sam the Eagle, Kermit looked "noticeably relieved" when he heard the news, before getting into his limo and heading off to his Hamptons estate with Japanese supermodel Erina Yamaguchi.
While noting that all 11-year-olds do have the right to bear arms, "This whole shooting shows a serious lack of quality and moral content," said Sam, adding, "not at all like that time Dick Cheney shot his friend, which was entirely wholesome."
Authorities have also not ruled out the possibility of retribution on the part of the Muppets, especially given that Stick's uncle, Jesse Fender of Blountsville, Ala., was found dead in his trailer earlier this week, apparently beaten to death by drumsticks.
Meanwhile, Stick said Miss Piggy's head will be stuffed and her meat would be made into breakfast sausages that would be devoured by notorious curmudgeons Statler and Waldorf.
"I don't think they'll be overcooked," noted Statler.
"Why is that?" asked Waldorf.
"Because her acting was never well done!" he replied, prompting the duo to fall over each other in hearty guffaws.
For my love for you will be forever strong.
My heart is here for you to keep.
If I come back and you are not mine,
If I come back and you are not mine,
I'll keep in mind that I had a great time.
So one night if you get lonely,
So one night if you get lonely,
Just close your eyes and remember slowly.
That my memory will never leave.
And when I do, PLEASE do not weep,
And when I do, PLEASE do not weep,
because my heart is yours to keep.
And remember as I will do,
I can never stop loving you!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead where setting together at a coffee shop. They all decide to go through their daughter's purses. The Brunette goes first. "I cant belive I found a pack of cigerettes in my daughter's purse. I didn't know she smoked." The redhead says, " I can't belive I found boose in my daughter's purse. I didn't know she drank." Finally the blonde says," I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I didn't know she had a penis!"
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Low-Fat Chocolate Crunch Cake
Ingredients
Directions
1 Boxed Devil's Food Cake Mix
6 egg whites
1/2 cup of applesauce
12 oz fat-free cool whip
4 *Sweet Escapes Peanut Butter Crunch Bars, crushed
8 oz can fat-free condensed milk
Wash your hands
Bake according to directions.Let cool approximately 15-20 minutes
Use fork tines to make holes in cake. Pour 1/2 cup of condensed milk on top of cake and allow to soak into holes to make the cake moist.
Once cake is completely cooled, spread 12 ounces of cool whip on frosting.
Top with crushed peanut bars
* Sweet Escapes are miniature candy bars sold only in bags
Per Serving: 352 Calories, 7g fat, 3g sat. fat, 11mg cholesterol, 407mg sodium, 7 vit A RE, 0mg vit C, 121mg calcium, 1.8mg iron
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Roswell Aliens Theory Revived By Deathbed Confession 
The Roswell UFO Incident involved the recovery of materials near Roswell, New Mexico, in July 1947, which have since become the subject of intense speculation and research. There are widely divergent views on what actually happened, and passionate debate about what evidence can be believed.
The Roswell UFO Incident involved the recovery of materials near Roswell, New Mexico, in July 1947, which have since become the subject of intense speculation and research. There are widely divergent views on what actually happened, and passionate debate about what evidence can be believed.
The United States military maintains that what was recovered was a top-secret research balloon that had crashed.But last week came an astonishing new twist to the Roswell mystery. Lieutenant Walter Haut was the public relations officer at the base in 1947 and was the man who issued the press releases after the crash.
Haut died last year but left a sworn affidavit to be opened only after his death.Last week, the text was released and asserts that the weather balloon claim was a cover story and that the real object had been recovered by the military and stored in a hangar. He described seeing not just the craft, but alien bodies.
The Horoscope GeneratorThe Horoscope Generator will forecast your future, based on a diagram of the aspect of the planets and stars at a given moment. Click your sign and get your horoscope for today.I'm a Virgo and the Horoscope Generator says:You will fart in front of a large group today. You aren't as attractive as your driver's license indicates. Someone will spit in your taco. You will have a chance encounter with romance today so take a bath for god's sake.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Thief gets stuck between bars
This man faces a burglary rap after getting stuck behind bars — of a window he was trying to climb through. Nicholas Forster, 35, was caught red-faced after getting wedged in security grilles. Firemen spent 30 minutes trying to free him —
This man faces a burglary rap after getting stuck behind bars — of a window he was trying to climb through. Nicholas Forster, 35, was caught red-faced after getting wedged in security grilles. Firemen spent 30 minutes trying to free him —
and he was arrested by cops as soon as he was released from the window at Peterborough Regional College, Cambs.An onlooker said: “He was so embarrassed he wouldn’t even lift his head to face the firemen. He was with his girlfriend — and she claimed he was trying to retrieve his watch that she’d thrown through the window.”Forster and Natalie Leach, 24, both of Peterborough, were charged with burglary.
Eleven of the most-dead soft drinks, each with its own story to tell, each way past its expiration date.Relive the glories of things you used to drink.
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