Alternative Meanings

The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
Some of the winning entries :
Abdicate (v.)
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Balderdash (n.)
A rapidly receding hairline
Circumvent (n.)
The opening in the front of boxer shorts
Coffee (n.)
A person who is coughed upon
Esplanade (v.)
To attempt an explanation while drunk
Flabbergasted (adj.)
Appalled over how much weight you have gained
Flatulence (n.)
The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
Frisbatarianism (n.)
The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
Gargoyle (n.)
An olive-flavored mouthwash
Lymph (v.)
To walk with a lisp
Negligent (adj.)
A condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
Rectitude (n.)
The formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
Semantics (n.)
Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood
Testicle (n.)
A humorous question on an exam
Willy-nilly (adj.)
Impotent