Thief gets stuck between bars
This man faces a burglary rap after getting stuck behind bars — of a window he was trying to climb through. Nicholas Forster, 35, was caught red-faced after getting wedged in security grilles. Firemen spent 30 minutes trying to free him —

and he was arrested by cops as soon as he was released from the window at Peterborough Regional College, Cambs.An onlooker said: “He was so embarrassed he wouldn’t even lift his head to face the firemen. He was with his girlfriend — and she claimed he was trying to retrieve his watch that she’d thrown through the window.”Forster and Natalie Leach, 24, both of Peterborough, were charged with burglary.

Eleven of the most-dead soft drinks, each with its own story to tell, each way past its expiration date.Relive the glories of things you used to drink.

MAKE SURE THE NEXT TIME YOU PISS OFF A

REDNECK HE DOESN'T OWN A

BACKHOE!!

BAD SIGNAGE

~~Slow Down And Enjoy Life~~

1. walk as slowly as you possibly can for at least 10 minutes.
2. sit in a busy place and do not move for 10 minutes.
3. give yourself permission to not answer the phone all week.
4. take half an hour to peel and eat an orange.
5. have a conversation with a squirrel.
6. watch ice melting.
7. leave secret notes in trees.
8. write in a cafe for several hours.
9. conduct your own japanese tea ceremony.
10. grind ink to draw with, write in your journal using brush and ink.
11. sew something by hand.
12. take photos on your way to work.

Traffic has become increasingly congested and tempers flare as slower drivers occupy what has been historically referred to as the 'fast lane.' It's time to get that Left Lane back!It is our considered opinion that not only will traffic move more smoothly and more quickly once the Left Lane is used in the way it has been designed but also headaches, frustration, bad tempers and road rage will all be greatly reduced when this pressure valve is released. It's time to reduce this unnecessary stress.It's time that... Left Lane Drivers Unite!

Marie Antoinette Action Figure
The action figure you've been waiting for. An ejecting head Marie Antoinette Action Figure! Marie Antoinette’s reign as the Queen of France was clouded in controversy. Her extravagant lifestyle led many to believe that she was not worthy of the throne and eventually she became widely despised as the epitome of incompetence and frivolity within the French royalty.During the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette was stripped of her crown, imprisoned and beheaded by guillotine in front of a cheering crowd.

TWO OF MY FAVORITE T.V. SHOWS GROWING UP.

THEN AGAIN, WE ONLY HAD THREE CHANNELS.

ALASKAN HOSTAGE SITUATION```

THIS MOOSE HELD ME CAPTIVE IN MY HOUSE AN ENTIRE

WEEKEND!!

IS IT JUST ME OR WERE KIDS CREEPY LOOKING IN THE PAST?

Silly Junk

A bomb went off in the toilets of the local Police station today. The papers say they have nothing to go on.
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says, "Beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
Answering machine message, ".... If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key ...."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well”, says the vet, "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

This is the way my week went.

Romance Each Other Without Breaking The Bank

Write a poem.
Cook a romantic dinner.
Give a full-body massage.
Pack a sunset picnic.
Pick wildflowers on the way home.
Burn a CD with love songs.
Give dark chocolates.
Read poetry together.
Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
Snuggle together on a rainy day.
Leave little love notes everywhere.
Send a love email every day.
Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
Get good wine, watch shooting stars.
Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
Take a walk down memory lane — visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
Kiss in the rain.
Ride a ferris wheel.
Sneak away from a party and make out.
Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
Slow dance to romantic music.
Take a nap together.
Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape — slowly.
Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
Write a love letter.
Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
Feed each other grapes.
Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
Pretend you’re going on a first date — show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
Declare your love, very publicly.
Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly

~Flag Stealing Squirrels ha ha

NEENAH, Wis. — Caretakers of the Oak Hill Cemetery noticed around Memorial Day that about 25 U.S. flags were missing from veterans' graves.
But the haphazard pattern of the thefts and the fact that the wooden dowels remained intact led them to believe the thieves weren't human.
"It's a pretty solid conclusion that critters are stealing our flags," said cemetery foreman Mark Alberts.
Such thefts have been a problem before. Squirrels took flags in Oshkosh and used them to line their nests a few years ago, and a groundskeeper at Forest Hill Cemetery in Eau Claire discovered dozens of missing flags in a squirrel's nest in 2006.
When crews cut down old trees in the cemetery, they typically find flag remnants in the hollows, Alberts said.
"We find a lot of flags all shredded up in there," he said. "They use them for bedding."
Alberts hasn't caught any flag thieves yet, but blackbirds have been seen trying to fly away with flag pieces.

Friday Fun Games

Shuffle

BlobularTrapshoot 2

Zombieland

Keep Your Pig in the Air with Fart Power

World Map Quiz (via)

Fruit Twirls

Browsing through the family album.

Escalator Ad

Check out this Cute Reading Light! This little guy will light up your books in style. It is available in three colors: blue, orange, and translucent. Loveable!

Red-Headed Family Forced To Move After 'Ginger' Hate Campaign
A family are being forced out of their home by a gang of thugs because of their red hair.
Kevin and Barbara Chapman say they and their four young children have already moved twice to avoid the taunts but at each address have been subjected to attacks.
Their windows have been smashed, the walls daubed with graffiti and their children physically assaulted in the street by other youths.
In the latest incident the family returned to their third home in Newcastle upon Tyne to find the words "ginger is gay" painted on the outside of the property.
Even as the family, all of whom have red hair, discussed a move with social workers, their windows were smashed.
They are now waiting for the city council to find them yet another home. Link

Workman's Comp Complaints

My head injuries have created a permanent increase in libido which has led to two affairs and has ruined my marriage.

I got my right hand first finger in the saw while helping Mike and staying out of his way.

My finger bled and it affected my mind.

I chipped my tooth on a cookie while visiting a customer.

While on duty, I was hit in the face by a hand. My glasses were broke and something hit my eye. No one believes I was hit but it hurt!

Hot grease splashed on me and fried my thumb.

I was working on my job and got a pain at the the end of the week.

Accident unnecessarily occurred on account of a misjudgment.

I ran down the steps and when I got to the end, my feet wouldn't stop.

I had my hand in the machine while the air was off.

Someone turned on switches and folded my hand.

I was assaulted and attacked by a vicious employee because he didn't like me and I know it.

The patient was going to fall for me. I could not let this happen. In so preventing this, I caused myself damage to my knee.

This is for the cut on my hand, but I took the stitches out myself. However, I am filing on account of the watchdog biting me and on account of a hurt I got in a fall in the paint shop

In performing the job of which I am capable, I didn't know the machine was on and was showing my new helper what not to do and did.

I was proving that I could carry an air compressor and I strained my back.

I looked into the hose to see why the water did not come out. It came.

I sprained my ankle the same way I sprained my ankle before.

I hit my arm against the hopper, and got flea bites.

Don't you just hate it when you can't decide what to have for dinner? ;)Plump, pot-bellied prairie dog cuteness (but not just any prairie dog--her name is Princess Vito!) brought to you beautifully by orimo! (Link)

~Crazy Vintage Postcards~

Rules for men
I know that this sort of thing has been done to death, but this one is funnier than most. Every male (and most women) will find themselves nodding at many of these. There are many highlights, including "The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story".

Diamond-Studded Skull
Everything's better when it's diamond-studded. Even a skull.
They are 8,601 of the most perfect diamonds money can buy. And as befits an artist obsessed by death, Damien Hirst (left) has set them in an 18th century skull (right).
Despite the 50 million price tag, potential buyers are already registering interest in purchasing the work entitled For The Love Of God.

USB Mini Fridge
Do you want to chill a can of drink just bought from the supermarket?Or does your cold drink getting warm while you drink it slowly?USB Mini Fridge can help you to solve these problems.

Butter Slicer makes 16 uniform slices to serve perfectly square butter pats, just like restaurants. Guests can easily help themselves. Dishwasher safe cutter with stainless steel wires is 7" x 2 3/4" x 7/8". Marble base not included. $6.99"Yes, I'm sure that all restaurants use this exact same dollar-store grade gadget from Walter Drake. I like how they conveniently leave out the fact that cold, hard butter will bend this thing into oblivion. And good luck getting all those slippery, jiggly slices of butter into a neat little row (pictured) without a mess. This is more trouble than it's worth. Just use a frickin knife.

A beer guzzling monkey is among the first to make a beeline for the local liquor shop, so that she can lay her hands on her fix for the day. It started as a joke for some truck drivers, but it has turned into an addiction for this 34 year old primate.She arrives at the shop on the outskirts of the North Indian city of Kanpur, a right before it opens. She is looking forward to a pint or two from the owner or from any of the amused customers. Locals say that Banno has never failed to visit the beer shop in all these years.[Rakesh Singh Chauhan, beer shop owner]: "It is a pet. Earlier the drivers visiting the shop used to give beer just for some lighthearted fun but slowly the monkey got addicted to it. She has been drinking beer for the last 20 years. She drinks at least 2-3 bottles everyday. She is roughly 34-year-old and drinks only beer."New customers love the sight of the monkey's drinking binge. Most of the customers vouch for her calm behavior, saying she really doesn't misbehave, even when she doesn't get a beer. And once she has a drink in her hand, she becomes completely oblivious to the world around her.[Atul Singh Sengar, a customer]: "She can even consume 5-6 bottles a day. She does ask for beer from the customers in her own language. She doesn't bite if beer is not given to her. But if she is teased then she can react."Monkeys are generally revered in India and many Hindus worship them as a form of the monkey-god Hanuman. Devotees often offer fruits and food to the primates.

What Was I Thinking???