(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.Costa Mesa, California: A man allegedly robbed taxi driver James Hooper with a large caliber handgun, then tried to escape on foot. One foot, to be exact. Police say Timothy Lambert's gun accidentally discharged, shooting his own foot. Officers followed a trail of bloody prints a short distance before arresting Lambert.Great Falls, Montana: When Raymond Lutz of was stopped for going 104 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone, he had a darn good reason. Lutz told Sheriff John Strandell that "he had just got done washing his truck and was trying to dry it off..."Germany: A German toolmaker has been arrested for extortion after threatening auto maker Daimler-Benz. The unnamed man had demanded a helicopter and millions of German marks, or he would "kill drivers of Mercedes cars...".

Stupid Criminals

(Location Unknown): A young teller was new to the job when she was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the would be criminal was slightly slow. She told the robber that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the man left.(Location Unknown): A criminal who broke into a couple's house started to take the TV, but instead he turned it on and began to watch. He supposedly liked the program that was on and laid down on the bed. Since it was at night he was tired and fell asleep. So when the couple came home the next day they found him and called the police.Providence, Rhode Island: David Posman, 33, was arrested in Providence, Rhode Island, after knocking out an armored car driver and stealing four bags of money. Each bag contained $800 dollars. However, the bags weighed thirty pounds each since they all contained pennies. The hefty bags slowed the fleeting criminal to a sluggish stagger. Police easily ran down and arrested the suspect.Washington D.C.: A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.Radnor, Pennsylvania: Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.Ionia, Michigan: When two service station attendants refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

courtesy of weeklyecho.com

Actual Letters Sent To Landlords- Amusing

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is clear.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

Pure Waste Of Oxygen Here:

A man in Clifton, Colorado apparently got so caught up in his "Tomb Raider" computer game that he forgot he wasn't supposed to use a real gun. Sheriff's deputies confiscated Douglas Miller's shotgun after he fired it at his computer screen.

Just Read

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Sadly, This Doesn't Surprise Me

October 25, 2006 -- A perverted porn actor who allegedly likes to give unsolicited performances on subway trains was busted yesterday for lewdness, cops said.

This makes the second time in less than five months that Kenneth Hoyt was arrested for exposing himself underground.

This time Hoyt has been accused of whipping out his prime professional asset on a No. 6 train near Union Square in full view of riders.


He was charged with public lewdness.

Hoyt, who is a level III sex offender from California, last made headlines in June when he was nabbed for flashing female victims - including underage teens - on the N and R trains.

He was arrested after one of those victims remembered the name of his porn Web site, which was printed on his jacket. He was let free without bail after being arraigned.

He shares the same last name as alleged sicko chef Dan Hoyt, who was captured on a cellphone camera exposing himself to subway riders earlier this year. They are not related.

This News Makes Me See Red

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


First of all I am a big fan of Michael J. Fox. Not just his acting ability but as a human and humanitarian in general. I am not sure if this is old news or not, but Mr Mushmouth Limbaugh ought to be very ashamed of himself. Michael was in an ad to sponsor a democratic candidate from Illinois as he wanted to be an advocate for stem cell research. Michael also believes that stem cell research will help many people, not just those with Parkinson's which Michael has.Anyway Mush Limbaugh said that Michael was acting in those ads.If Limbaugh had been paying any attention to Michael at all especially in the series"Spin City" he would have seen the progress of Michael's disease.I am not political at all politics sicken me but this is wrong no matter what side of the fence u straddle. I have been around young people such as Michael who have Parkinson's and actually michael is doing amazingly well. He is very articulate, means what he says and goes after it like a deranged pitbull. You can agree with me or not but I am boiling mad about the way people put down others because they don't agree with opinions unlike their own.

Dixie Cups

In 1908, Hugh Moore started the American Water Supply Company of New England to market a vending machine that for one penny would dispense a cool drink of water in an individual, clean, disposable paper cup.
Moore soon realized that his sanitary cups had greater sales potential than his water, particularly when Dr. Samuel Crumbine, a health official in Dodge City, Kansas, began crusading for a law to ban the public tin dipper. Lacking the capital to manufacture enough paper cups to abolish the tin dipper, Moore and his associate Lawrence Luellen traveled to New York City with a few handmade samples and eventually hooked up with an investment banker who invested $200,000 in the venture, incorporated as the Public Cup Vendor Company in 1909.

A Real Confession

have a fear of being breathed on. But its more than that. When I get breathed on it actually feels like my skin is on fire! Its gotten to the point where I have my dogs trained to not breathe on me. Even I can't breathe on myself!

A Gassy Baby??

AWOMAN gave birth to a baby girl just hours after going to a hospital complaining of "flatulence".Doctors near Madrid ,had previously misdiagnosed her as suffering from early menopause , allergies, and flatulence. The pregnancy had simply gone unnoticed."The size of my belly hadn't increased,"the woman, 43 ,said. " I didn't feel any baby kicking...maybe because of the drugs." "Sure lady blame the drugs."

Whoaaaaaaaaa Nellie

Alison Arngrim (b. 1962)

Then:
Nellie Oleson, Little House on the Prairie.

Now:
Doing stand-up comedy under the guise of the Prairie Bitch.

FYI:


Sister of Stefan Arngrim.
Revealed, in 2004, she was sexually abused as a child; lobbied for proposed California law on beefing up child-abuse punishment.
What her fans say about Alison:


Agreed: She Was Much Less Annoying Than Half-Pint
"This was about two years ago. My friends and I got tickets to a show at The Laugh Factory, which is a well-known comedy club in Hollywood. One of the headline acts was somebody named Alison Arngrim, which sounded familiar but I couldn't quite place the name. Then a tall, pretty blond woman comes out and introduces herself as the former Nellie Oleson, aka 'The Prairie Bitch.' The crowd went bonkers for about five minutes. Then she started her act, which was very funny. ... She made fun of child stars, especially the 'Diff'rent Strokes' kids. (Apparently Little House filmed near the Strokes set. The Little House director forbade the cast to play with the Strokes kids. Probably a good idea.) ... She said people still harass her when they see her on the street. ('How could you do that to Laura?') After her act she said she was very active in an AIDS awareness program [AIDS Project Los Angeles] ... which she began after the costar who played her husband Percival [Steve Tracy] died from AIDS. Anyway, she seemed so down-to-earth, funny, sexy, cool. Nellie rocks!" .

Generation GaP -Why We Are Alien-like To Each Other

Crayola Crayons

Alice Binney, wife of company co-owner Edwin Binney, coined the word Crayola by joining craie, from the French word meaning chalk, with ola, from oleaginous, meaning oily.
In 1864, Joseph W. Binney began the Peekskill Chemical Works in Peekskill, New York, producing hardwood charcoal and a black pigment called lampblack. In 1880 he opened a New York office and invited his son, Edwin Binney, and his nephew, C. Harold Smith, to join the company. The cousins renamed the company Binney & Smith and expanded the product line to include shoe polish, printing ink, black crayons, and chalk.
In 1903, the Binney & Smith company made the first box of Crayola crayons costing a nickel and containing eight colors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, brown, and black.
The now-classic 64-box of crayons, complete with built-in sharpener, was introduced in 1958.
In 1993, Binney & Smith celebrated Crayola brand's ninetieth birthday by introducing the biggest crayon box ever with 96 colors.
In 1949, Binney & Smith introduced another forty colors: Apricot, Bittersweet, Blue Green, Blue Violet, Brick Red, Burnt Sienna, Carnation Pink, Cornflower, Flesh (renamed Peach in 1962, partly as a result of the civil rights movement), Gold, Gray, Green Blue, Green Yellow, Lemon Yellow, Magenta, Mahogany, Maize, Maroon, Melon, Olive Green, Orange Red, Orange Yellow, Orchid, Periwinkle, Pine Green, Prussian Blue (renamed Midnight Blue in 1958 in response to teachers' requests), Red Orange, Red Violet, Salmon, Sea Green, Silver, Spring Green, Tan, Thistle, Turquoise Blue, Violet Blue, Violet Red, White, Yellow Green, and Yellow Orange.
In 1958, Binney & Smith added sixteen colors, bringing the total number of colors to 64: Aquamarine, Blue Gray, Burnt Orange, Cadet Blue, Copper, Forest Green, Goldenrod, Indian Red, Lavender, Mulberry, Navy Blue, Plum, Raw Sienna, Raw Umber, Sepia, and Sky Blue.
In 1972, Binney & Smith introduced eight fluorescent colors: Atomic Tangerine, Blizzard Blue, Hot Magenta, Laser Lemon, Outrageous Orange, Screamin' Green, Shocking Pink, and Wild Watermelon. In 1990, the company introduced eight more fluorescent colors: Electric Lime, Magic Mint, Purple Pizzazz, Radical Red, Razzle Dazzle Rose, Sunglow, Unmellow Yellow, and Neon Carrot.
In 1990, Binney & Smith retired eight traditional colored crayons from its 64-crayon box (Green Blue, Orange Red, Orange Yellow, Violet Blue, Maize, Lemon Yellow, Blue Gray, and Raw Umber) and replaced them with such New Age hues as (Cerulean, Vivid Tangerine, Jungle Green, Fuchsia, Dandelion, Teal Blue, Royal Purple, and Wild Strawberry). Retired colors were enshrined in the Crayola Hall of Fame. Protests from groups such as RUMPS (The Raw Umber and Maize Preservation Society) and CRAYON (The Committee to Reestablish All Your Old Norms) convinced Binney & Smith to release the one million boxes of the Crayola Eight in October 1991.
In 1993, Binney & Smith introduced sixteen more colors, all named by consumers: Asparagus, Cerise, Denim, Granny Smith Apple, Macaroni and Cheese, Mauvelous, Pacific Blue, Purple Mountain's Majesty, Razzmatazz, Robin's Egg Blue, Shamrock, Tickle Me Pink, Timber Wolf, Tropical Rain Forest, Tumbleweed, and Wisteria.
In 1998, Binney & Smith introduced twenty-four new colors, brining the total number of colors to 120: Almond, Antique Brass, Banana Mania, Beaver, Blue Bell, Brink Pink, Canary, Caribbean Green, Cotton Candy, Cranberry, Desert Sand, Eggplant, Fern, Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown, Manatee, Mountain Meadow, Outer Space, Pig Pink, Pink Flamingo, Purple Heart, Shadow, Sunset Orange, Torch Red, and Vivid Violet.
Washington Irving used the pseudonym Geoffrey Crayon when he published The Sketch-Book, a collection of short stories and essays, including "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" and "Rip Van Winkle."
On average, children between the ages of two and seven color 28 minutes every day.
The average child in the United States will wear down 730 crayons by his or her tenth birthday.
The scent of Crayola crayons is among the twenty most recognizable to American adults.
The Crayola brand name is recognized by 99 percent of all Americans.
Red barns and black tires got their colors thanks in part to two of Binney & Smith's earliest products: red pigment and carbon black. Red and black are also the most popular crayon colors, mostly because children tend to use them for outlining.
Binney & Smith is dedicated to environmental responsibility. Crayons that don't meet quality standards are remelted and used to make new crayons. Ninety percent of Crayola products packaging is made from recycled cardboard. The company also makes sure the wood in their colored pencils doesn't originate from tropical rain forests.
Binney & Smith produces two billion Crayola crayons a year, which, if placed end to end, would circle the earth 4.5 times.
Crayola crayon boxes are printed in eleven languages: Danish, Dutch, English, Finnish, French, German, Italian, Norwegian, Portuguese, Spanish, and Swedish.

Coppertone

The name "Coppertone" signifies the copper-colored skin tone sun worshippers strive to obtain.
Dr. Benjamin Green, a physician from Miami, Florida, helped the United States military develop sunscreen to protect soldiers stationed in the South Pacific during World War II from getting severe sunburns. After the war, he noticed that tourists in Miami used all kinds of home-made concoctions to bronze in the sun. He began experimenting with different formulas, using his own bald head as a testing ground, until he came up with the recipe for Coppertone suntan cream with the essence of jasmine in 1944.
A picture of an Indian chief was on the first bottles of Coppertone, accompanied by the slogan "Don't be a Paleface." Little Miss Coppertone replaced him in 1953.
To figure out how many hours of protection you can expect from a sunscreen, take the number of minutes it takes your skin to start burning without sunscreen, multiply by the sun protection factor (SPF) printed on the bottle of Coppertone, and divide the result by 60. For instance, if you usually burn in 30 minutes, an SPF 8 lotion should protect you for approximately 4 hours.
The higher the SPF of a sunscreen, the higher the price.
The higher in the sky the sun is, the higher the SPF number you need. Also, the closer to the equator you are, the stronger the sunscreen you need.
Never use a sunscreen that is more than a year old. Abide by the expiration dates.
As a child, actress Jodie Foster appeared in Coppertone commercials

History behind Alberto V-05

Alberto VO5 is named after the chemist Alberto who invented Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing. VO5 stands for the five vital organic emollients in the hairdressing.
In the 1950s, a chemist named Alberto developed Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing to rejuvenate the coiffures of Hollywood's movie stars from the damage of harsh studio lights.
The five vital organic emollients in Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing restore resiliency and flexibility to dull, dry hair, smooths frizzies and split ends, helps control static flyaway, and protects hair from further damage.
Alberto's partner, Blaine Culver, marketed the company until 1955 when 36-year-old Leonard Lavin and his wife, Bernice, bought the Los Angeles-based beauty supply firm for $400,000 and relocated it to Chicago.
In 1955, the company ran the first television commercial for VO5, and within three years Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing was the best selling hair conditioner in the United States.
In 1972, Alberto-Culver changed advertising by combining two 30-second television commercials together into the industry's first 60-second spot.
Alberto VO5 is the number one hair conditioner in the United States.
Alberto VO5 Hair Spray was the world's first crystal clear hair spray.
Alberto-Culver also operates the world's largest chain of beauty supply stores, Sally Beauty Supply. Sally Beauty operates more than 1,400 outlets offering salon products and appliances to professional and retail customers.

Semen Can Make You Smile

Semen acts as an antidepressant
Semen makes you happy. That's the remarkable conclusion of a study comparing women whose partners wear condoms with those whose partners don't.
The study, which is bound to provoke controversy, showed that the women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations.
"I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," says Gordon Gallup, the psychologist at the State University of New York who led the team. "Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen."Oh Duh you think so"?

News Of The Week Click Image

courtesy of weeklyecho.com

Maybe Not So Rare

Stingray

<<<......

Sting ray Barb>>
MIAMI - A leaping stingray stabbed an 81-year-old Florida boater in the chest, authorities said Wednesday, leaving its poisonous stinger lodged close to his heart in an incident recalling the one that killed Australian TV naturalist Steve Irwin last month.
Fire Department officials in Lighthouse Point, about 30 miles north of Miami, said James Bertakis was in a small recreational boat with two grandchildren Tuesday when the spotted eagle ray leaped aboard and struck him.



"It's just a real freak thing," Lt. Mike Sullivan told Reuters, saying the incident occurred on Florida's Intercoastal Waterway, where stingrays are rarely seen leaping in the air.
"For an 81-year-old man he's in really good shape," Sullivan added, saying Bertakis was expected to make a full recovery after surgery at a local hospital to have the stinger removed from his chest.
"Crocodile Hunter" Irwin, 44, died when a stingray's stinger punctured his heart off Australia's north coast last month. It was one of only a handful of stingray fatalities on record.

Something Halloweeny

Just plain scary isn't it??

Cockroaches Friend Or Foe

Don't know about you but i don't want these creatures hanging around me.This guy feeds em, dresses em,carries them on his hat,and even pays for their vacation on a beautiful beach.Pssssst buddy I know many people who would lgive a body part to have the lifestyle you bestow to these disease ridden bugs.

Just When You Thought

The Madonna cone breast fashion had gone far off into the trend dumpster-fashion designers have decided we the public hadn't been tortured enough.The colors have been changed but come on now -do we really need to see this monstrocity make a come-back?? And doesn't that stocking cap pull it all together for ya??

The PB& J Spreader

Myself I would use 2 separate knives to make my sandwich but this does look cooler!

Smiley Dispute May Cause Smiley To Cry

Wal-Mart seeks smiley face rights

Wal-Mart uses the smiley face on staff uniforms and promotional signsWal-Mart is embroiled in a legal dispute over the smiley face image which it wants to trademark in the US.
A Frenchman who claims to have invented the yellow smiley face back in 1968 is opposing the US retail giant's move.
For some, the image is a reminder of 1970s counter-culture, for others, a useful shorthand when sending e-mails.
But since 1996, Wal-Mart has used the image in the US on uniforms and promotional signs, and it wants sole rights to it in the US retail sector.
Global rights
Franklin Loufrani - just one of a number of people who profess to have invented the image - has marketed the sign since the early 1970s.
It's a mark that we have a tremendous investment in and is very closely identified with our company
Wal-Mart
He and his London-based company SmileyWorld today own the rights to the logo in more than 80 countries around the world.
The US is not included in this list, and SmileyWorld and Wal-Mart are now at loggerheads before the US Patent and Trademark Office.
A final decision is expected in August.
Ironic
Until now the smiley face had been considered in the public domain in the US, and therefore free for anyone to use.
Wal-Mart spokesman John Simley told the Los Angeles Times that it had not moved to register the trademark until Mr Loufrani had threatened to do so.
"It is kind of ironic that this whole dispute is about a smiley face," said Mr Simley.
"But in the end, it is what it is: it's a mark that we have a tremendous investment in and is very closely identified with our company."
SmileyWorld said it did not have anyone who could comment on Monday.
Disputed creation
The authorship of the smiley face is hotly disputed.
While Mr Loufrani says he came up with the image in 1968, American Harvey Ball contends that he first designed the logo in 1963.
Mr Ball, a Massachusetts graphic artist, claims he devised the cartoon to cheer up disgruntled staff at a newly merged insurance firm.
Another American, Seattle-based advertiser David Stern, also claims to have invented the image.
Mr Sterns says he devised the sign in 1967 as part of an advertisement campaign for financial services firm Washington Mutual.
Both Mr Ball and Mr Stern further say that they did not think of trademarking the image at the time.
Since the 1970s, the smiley face has been adopted by a number of different groups.
It appears on number plates in the US state of Kentucky, has featured on an American postage stamp and was the unofficial symbol of the late 1980s acid house dance music movement.
The image was also spoofed in the 1994 movie Forest Gump, in which the title character inadvertently comes up with the logo by rubbing his wet and dirty face on a white T-shirt.

Yeah Even Ebay Has It's Limits

Ebay yanks listing for a mummy!






PORT HURON, Mich. — Officials are trying to track down the origins of a mummified human skeleton that a Michigan woman tried to sell on eBay.
The St. Clair County medical examiner's office confiscated the mummified remains Tuesday from the home of Lynn Sterling.
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Sterling, 45, told police she got the remains from a friend who works in demolition and said he found them in a Detroit school he helped tear down nearly 30 years ago, police said. She said she had contacted an attorney before posting the remains for sale.
"It's an anatomical, medical-use skeleton," Sterling told The Times Herald of Port Huron. "I would never have put it on (eBay) if I thought it was anything other than an anatomical, medical thing."
Sterling likely won't face charges, Port Huron Police Capt. Don Porrett said, though officials said the remains will be sent to an anthropologist at Michigan State University for further examination.
St. Clair County Medical Examiner Daniel Spitz described the remains as an intact skeleton with mummified tissue. He said age, sex and race could not yet be determined, but said the remains appeared to be those of a child.
"It's very, very old. It's probably some type of anatomical dissection that was part of an anatomy class that over time got into the hands of somebody in the general public," Spitz said.
Port Huron police were notified about the eBay posting by a caller from North Carolina who spotted the item on the online auction site, Porrett said.
EBay spokeswoman Catherine England said the posting was removed Wednesday because it violated a policy against selling human remains. The Web site allows the sale of skeletons for medical use, but not mummified remains.
Curiosity did attract at least one bid before the posting was removed.
"There was a bid on it for $500 from 'Satan's Child."

Think about this
It is short but interesting!

A car company can move it's factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market.

A toy company can out source to a Chinese sub-contractor and claim it's a free market.

A shoe company can produce its shoes in south east Asia and claim it's a free market.

A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it's a free market.

We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh. We can purchase almost anything we want from 20 different countries.

BUT, heaven help the senior citizens who dare to buy their prescription drugs from a Canadian pharmacy. That's called un-American! And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby? Think again!

Questions To Make You Think

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him? If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then? If a tree falls in the forest without anyone there, does it still make a sound? Do the other trees make fun of it? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? If Superglue is so good why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube? If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, do you plan a surprise birthday party for them? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If the "black box" survives every plane crash, why not make the entire plane out of that stuff? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure? Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit" rather than a "near miss"? There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

A Homemade Fun Airplane

http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/make_an_airplane.html

A Bad Day

There was a young Christian couple that had an argument one morning before leaving for work. The wife couldn't get her dress zipped up in back, so she backed up to her husband and motioned for him to zip up her zipper. The husband was concerned about an important business meeting. "I'll show you zipping", he thought, and briskly whipped it up and down the slide till it broke. He had to cut her out of her favorite dress, which didn't exactly make her happy with him.They went their separate ways to work. Both boiling mad at each other.The wife did a slow-burn all day. When she got home that evening, she walked into the garage and saw two legs sticking out from under the car, and assumed her husband was under the car fixing something.She decided her moment of REVENGE had come. She leaned over, grabbed the pants zipper, and whipped it up and down several times. Satisfied, she walked into the kitchen, where she found her husband standing by the sink.Sheepishly, she asked him, "Who is in the garage, under the car?" She was told it was a neighbor who had come over to help work on the car. The acutely embarrassed wife asked her husband to help explain the situation to the neighbor, and they both returned to the garage.They asked him to come out from under the car, but he didn't respond. When they finally dragged him out, he was unconscious and bleeding, from slamming his head into the underside of the car each time he got zipped by surprise!
[ reportedly a true story ]

Don't Eat The Glowing Snails

Radioactive snails crawl up from beneath the ground-"Reuter's reports that there was a discovery of radioactive snails in the area where 3 hydrogen bombs were lost by the U.S. in 1966.The radioactive creatures crawl up from underground, where authorities suspect deposits of uranium and plutonium may be located."

This Person Shares Our Air

A woman was telling me she carries a special tool in her car to cut herself out of her seatbelt in case she ends up underwater. When I asked her where she kept it she said "Why in the trunk of course".

Hit Counter

There are at least 3,000 uses for Peanut Butter

Here are but a few:
#Feed large globs of it to your dog for cheap entertainment.
#Mix it with egg whites and ammonia to see if it takes out stains.
#Lace it with cyanide and feed it to Barney.
#Spread it on the dog's back to watch him go crazy.
#Squish it between your fingers in the lunchroom muttering "Only two more hours and I have so much left to study..."
#Plug holes in your paneling walls.
#Make sure you have some stuck in your fingernails whenever you go on a blind date.
#Carry it around in your duffel in case of emergencies.
#Use it to stick things if you run out of duct tape.
#If you see a freshly poured sidewalk drying drop globs of Peanut Butter into the cement to create "holes" later.
#Drop it from a plane over Ethiopia to feed all the starving children.
#Keep a jar in your car because it rhymes.
#Have an art class paint "still life" pictures of it.
#Have the astronauts leave some of it in orbit.
#Rub it on sore muscles.
#Save it up so you will have plenty during your retirement years.
#Make "Cream of Peanut Butter" soup.
#Plug up the nursery's electric outlets to protect little fingers.

Shaved Persian Kitties

This is something I didn't know- when Persian cats are performing in a pet show they have their noses shaved.They call it nose mascara as the fine black lines around the nose, highlight it.These pics were taken 2 weeks apart one shows the cat shaven and the other was taken after 2 weeks of hair growth.. Quite a difference isn't it.

This guy is a total idiotic pain in the British bum.*He went around keying 50 random new cars as he felt he was being "artistic".*He nailed his feet to the floor in an art gallery.*He pushed a monkey nut(whatever that is)-for 7 miles with his nose in a protest against student debt.*He sat for 12 days in a bath filled with baked beans,with 2 chips up his nose and sausages wrapped around his head( VIEW PICTURE) to defend criticism of the full English Breakfast.*He rolled himself across London for 4 and 1/2 miles singing"we wish you a merry christmas"to highlight the work of office cleaners.*He cooked and ate a fox to draw attention to the "plight"of crack heads.

Joke:The dark secret

One day a classmate told little Timmy that most adults have at least one dark secret and that they can be easily blackmailed simply by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Timmy decided to try it out. He went home and when his mother greeted him, he frowned and said, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly handed him $20 and said, “Just don’t tell your father!” This worked so well for Timmy that he decided to see what he could get from his father. When his father got home, Timmy greeted him at the door and said, “I know the whole truth.” His father promptly handed him $50 and said, “Please don’t tell your mother!”

Very pleased, Timmy headed out the door to school the next day when he ran into the mailman. He greeted the mailman with his new phrase, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman dropped his mail, opened his arms, and said, “Then come give your daddy a big hug!”