Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Cats. Cops, And An Air Freshner

I'm mad. Everyone should be mad. The fact that everyone isn't mad makes me mad as well, which makes me angry. I sat down here to write a few words about the Constitution of the United States of America and I reminded myself that no matter what I write, I have to be honest. Not just for me, mind you, but for the sake of the readability of this blog. For me. For you. For whatever. If this is going to make a difference it has to be the truth. And if it isn't going to make a difference, why write it?
OK, so that is how it started tonight. As I started thinking about my anger I realized that I am mad about a bunch of stuff, including the Constitution. What? I'm glad you asked. Well, I'm mad about air fresheners for one thing. Yes, air fresheners. It seems that a cat crawled up into the engine compartment of my car after I got home yesterday. While it was up there it took the opportunity to urinate in the healthiest fashion. Normally, I would care less. As a matter of fact if it happened to you I would probably chuckle, no, laugh about it. Sorry, I'm just being honest. Anyway, I went to get into the car and leave today, when I was overcome by the familiar and overpowering "eau de cat". I didn't let that daunt me. I thought that I could drive it off and did my best to do so.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. I could have driven to Halifax, Nova Scotia, and back. No amount of driving in the world could make the heated scent of this cat urine dissipate. I went to a "wash it yourself" style carwash and washed it myself. And washed it myself. And washed it myself. I washed it so many times the local police came by to make sure that I was just washing my car. I explained to the officers that I had suffered an attack by a demonic feline with satanic kidneys. They didn't think it was so funny until I invited them to sit in the driver's seat and smell for themselves which they did. Then the whole matter became very funny to them. They even called in some buddies who were willing to give up their precious time normally devoted to the consumption of crullers to come by and have a whiff and a laugh.

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