Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Guide To The Secret Language Of Women

Mr. Manners, I went on a blind date last night. The woman said I was "scrappy". Is that good or bad?Signed, Confused in California
Dear Gentle Reader, So often women use words men just don’t understand the meaning of. And it’s not just because females have vastly greater vocabularies then males. It’s because ladies use words in ways not found in a typical Webster’s dictionary. So when your date said you were "scrappy" she’s probably suggesting you are small and pitiful like an alley cat fighting for a twice-regurgitated grouper. So that is bad. To help guide the genteel reader in better understanding what his female companion might really be meaning when she makes such cryptic remarks, Mr. Manners would like to offer the following guide to the secret language of women.
Sensitive: This word can cut both ways. When a woman says a man is sensitive it might mean that a man is sensitive in the way that he’s prone to cry over a Barbara Striesand movie. In this situation, being sensitive is bad. However if a woman says a man is sensitive and by it means that a man actually devotes the majority of his attention to her when she is discussing her feelings that is good. So consider the context before deciding whether it’s good or not that you’re sensitive.
Fun loving: Don’t expect a call back if a woman says you are "fun loving". She’s basically saying you are irresponsible and only interested in what will bring a pleasant, tingly sensation to your nether region.
Sweet: This could well be the kiss of death. Not only does she think you are sensitive - in a bad way - but she probably thinks you are gay as well. If she realizes you are straight then it means she thinks you spend way too much time with your mother.

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