Ponderous

We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away, and the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.
If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.