Japanese woman finds scorpion in jeans
A Japanese woman trying on a pair of jeans in a shop got a shock when she was stung by a scorpion hidden inside. The woman, on the southern island of Okinawa, ended up in hospital for five days as a result of the sting, which was not life-threatening. Local health officials captured the 5cm (2 inch) scorpion, which was believed to be a Chinese bark scorpion. It is thought to have travelled inside the jeans from China, where they were made.
An old ad from 'Boy's Life' recommending guns as an ideal gift for kids between the ages of 7 to 17.Whether you're just starting out... or graduating to a high-power peller plinker... Daisy's got the right gun for you. You'll have years of fun shooting outdoors - or in your own basement or rec room with Mom and Dad.In fact, we bet Dad can still remember the fun he had with his Daisy. Show them these beauties and see if they don't agree - the Daisy's are better than ever.
A Worth1000 Photoshop contest.We all know what the jolly old elf is doing Christmas Eve, but did you ever wonder what Santa does the other 364 days a year?Ok, he prolly sleeps late on Christmas day, but after that, how does Santa spend his downtime?
Rewriting Christmas Specials - Remember the Christmas specials from your younger years? Charlie Brown, Christmas Story. Now their alternate endings have been revealed.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away, and the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.
If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
BonBon-Land is the 4th largest amusement park in Denmark and Denmark’s 5th biggest tourist attraction in 2005. At BonBon-Land you meet more than 60 hilariously wacky, dizzying and harrowing amusements and activities.Today was our visit to BonBon-Land. It's difficult to find a word to describe BonBon-Land because this is like no other park I've ever been to! You can use the words: Quirky, Bizarre, Disturbing, Perverted, etc... they all apply! How do you describe a park that has really nice theming, but themed to candy characters based on toilet humor?
ONE EYE.A strange weblog by Sang-Soo Ahn from Seoul, South Korea.He (or she, I don't know whether Sang-Soo Ahn is male or female) posts pictures of people covering one eye.
CELL PHONE BED.You put your phone to bed practically every night to have it recharge, right?Let it rest in style in this adorable lil’ plush phone bed.
Scenarios from 1973 & 2006
This is scary because of how close to the truth it may be. Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2006 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. ++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class. 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping 1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school. 1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant. 1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers. 2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state Democratic Party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1973 - Ants die. 2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him. 1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.
Puppy Gnaws Off Baby's Toes
A puppy chewed off four of a baby girl's toes next to her sleeping parents, who were then booked on charges of child desertion and criminal negligence.Mary Shannon Hansche, 22, and Christopher Wayne Hansche, 26, told police they woke to the baby's cries, found her mangled foot and took her to the hospital.Police said that they were sleeping on a mattress and that the month-old girl was in an infant seat beside them when the 6-week-old pit bull began chewing on her toes.The puppy might have been trying to nurse on the toes of the baby, a veterinarian speculated.
Gonu and Monu are the latest victims of Bihar police’s whims and fancies. They are two toddlers accused of trying to rape a 20-year-old woman along with their 12-year-old friend Ravi. A case has been lodged against them at the Maner police station. This is not the first such case in Bihar, a three-month-old baby had been accused of looting a bus in Muzzafarpur district a few months back. The police say that foul play is involved in most such cases.It appears that families fighting over land, drag minors into their dispute in many such cases. Police are also blamed for intentionally naming minors to let real criminals off the hook.With video.
Why is this crunchy?
Handy tip : if you eat it off of the floor, don't be all casual in assuming it's a chocolate chip.
Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Some are blonde! LOL
Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
My Mother lived with my family for years..A real great and funny person..she is gone now, but with us every day in our laughter and hearts...One year Mother went shopping for her friends and other family members. On Christmas morning I had more gifts than I had ever gotten...later I asked Mother why did you get me so much and things I never asked for....her answer was "this year I only got things with the buy one get one free...and you got the free ones."
HUNGRY Martin D'Arcy found a tooth in his pot of custard rice.
The 58-year-old said: "I was on my fifth mouthful when I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my cheek. After washing off the custard I was horrified to find a bit of tooth."
Martin, left with a cut gum, fired off a letter of complaint to Muller - who sent him back £8 in vouchers to say sorry.
Initial tests have revealed the fragment in the Custard Rice is most likely to be a tooth.
A spokesman for Muller, which makes 2.7 billion pots of rice a year, said: "This is the only complaint of this kind in the product's history.
"We can only speculate how this occurred."
Chauffeur Martin, from Bracknell, Berks, joked: "I want them to get the root of the problem. I want the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."
everything you ever wanted to know about little lulu but were afraid to ask.A vast collection of books and memorabilia.
The way you draw a house says a lot about your personality. You can use this site to draw a house, answer some quesions based on your drawing then find out what your drawing says about you.It would be a good idea to add walls to your house though.
Wonder where Superman takes that superhero suit of his to be cleaned and laundered after a hard day of fighting crime? It's always so spotless and wrinkle-free. You know he can't just drop it off at the local dry-cleaner. That would completely give away his secret identity... And, I wouldn't think he could just toss it into the washing machine with his other dirty unmentionables. Hey, I'm sure that cape alone has got to be "dry-clean only". Besides, I'd be slightly concerned about shrinkage and the colors fading. Nobody wants to see Superman flying around in a miniature, dingy pink cape... I suppose he could machine wash on the delicate cycle, then tumble dry on low heat... But hey, don't forget to pretreat those stubborn blood stains!
This is why you might “spot” a Dalmatian at a fire station.
Today, it’s more a matter of tradition, but in the early days of firefighting, the Dalmatian served an important purpose.
In the 1800s, fire engines were horse-driven carriages. Unfortunately, horses and other equipment found in a fire station were prime targets for thieves at that time, especially in some of the poorer urban areas (which is where the majority of fires occurred). Some firefighters tried to combat thievery by sleeping alongside their steeds, but sometimes, when a man is exhausted from battling a blaze, nothing will wake him up. Eventually, the solution became clear: a watchdog.
And not just any watchdog. You see, horses are not solitary animals. They prefer the companionship of some other animal, whether it be another horse, a dog, a goat or even a chicken. Left alone too long, they grow restless and neurotic. Dalmatians, it was discovered, formed an amazingly close bond with horses once they were introduced. They also became quite protective and possessive of their equine friends, so it became impossible for anyone to try to spirit away a horse under cover of the night. In fact, the spotted pooches were also used by stagecoach drivers for the same purpose, and were often colloquially called “coach dogs.”
WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPINGby: Protoclown
The holiday shopping season is upon us, and it's got to be one of the most miserable times of year. It's the one time of year I become a total hermit, let my hair grow long, and eat whatever random objects I can find around the house to survive. Because going out there and dealing with all those assholes is just not worth it. It's never worth it. But if you find that you have no choice in the matter, that you absolutely HAVE to do it, it doesn't have to be completely unbearable. There are ways that you can make it tolerable, perhaps even enjoyable. Because fucking with other people is always fun. So here are a few ways that you can spice up your holiday shopping this year:
Get your hands on whatever big noise-making toy is in high demand that year (i.e. Tickle-Me Elmo) and go to the store with your own copy of the toy smuggled in a backpack. Head to whatever aisle the toy can normally be found on to confirm that they don't have any in stock, and then hang around on the next aisle over. When you hear people on the aisle next to you, hit the button so that your toy makes its signature noise. When the people come around the corner all excited, thinking that they're still going to find the toy, head to the next aisle over and repeat the process. Try to time your crossing over to the next aisle so they don't actually get a look at you. Keep repeating the process, and see how long you can get them to follow you around the store.
Look for local postings by scalpers who are selling the hot new video game console (PS3 or Wii) for FAR more than it's worth (grocery store entryways are a popular place for these kinds of postings). Rewrite the flyer with all of the same information, only change the price to a value slightly LESS than the suggested retail. The scalper asshole will get flooded with eager phone calls, only to find those same people pissed off when they find that they've been misled by false advertising. They might even get a surprise phone call from the authorities for suspicion of stolen merchandise!
Find one of those storefronts that has a guy dressed up like Santa ringing a bell and asking for money. Dress up like Jesus and stand on the opposite side of the door with a collection plate. Make sure you glare at Santa disapprovingly, and encourage people to come up and donate money to the REAL meaning of Christmas. Then after you've collected enough, go inside the store, buy something nice, and on your way out be sure to show Santa what you've just bought.
This one will probably only work on Black Friday, or some other day that there's a major high-demand release. Find a line of people gathered outside the store, and bring a microphone and a video camera if possible. Then "interview" the people in line, asking them the most annoying, stupid or personally invasive questions you can. Drive as many of them as you can to the point of anger, but stay just out of reach of their swipes. Most of them won't risk giving up their spot in line to come after you. And if you taped it, you should have a funny video to show your friends.
Walk into the electronics section of a store, pretending to talk on your cell phone. Make sure you exclaim loudly "What? They just got a shipment of Playstation 3's at the Best Buy across town? I'll be right there!" Hang up excitedly and then make a dash for the door. See how many suckers decide to follow you out and rush all the way across town only to find nothing but disappointment waiting for them there. Of course, the egg will be all over your face if they really DID get a shipment of PS3s at the Best Buy across town, but that's a risk you'll have to take.
Dress up like a werewolf and hide on the bottom shelf on some aisle that has lots of large boxes on the bottom row that can conceal you (a toy aisle is good for this). Whenever people come down the aisle, burst forth from your hiding place, sending the boxes flying into the aisle and growl menacingly and pounce at them.
Carry a fake cattle prod (or a real one, but don't blame me when you get arrested) and whenever a bunch of slow and/or fat people are blocking your way, as they inevitably will, because slow fat people love to form a phalanx and stand in the middle of a high-traffic walkway looking confused, poke them in the back with the cattle prod and make a lout "Bzzt!" noise. If they turn around to glare at you, shout out a loud "Hyaah!" If you own a cowboy hat, you should be wearing it.
Find a really packed aisle, and crowd-surf.
Dress up in clothing from another historical era (i.e. medieval or far future) and walk into a store looking completely bewildered. Ask people around you lots of questions in-character, and when you finally go up to the register to pay for an item, try to pay for it in either ancient or futuristic currency.
This is another one for Black Friday or a new-item release. Dress up as a character from Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or another one of those popular movie franchises that all the nerds dress up for and line up with a bunch of people waiting outside the store. Talk excitedly to the people around you about how you can't wait to see the movie, how great it's going to be, etc. Ask them what they're looking forward to most about the movie. If they tell you they're not there to see a movie, glare at them and tell them they have the wrong line. If possible, make dorky use of a catchphrase from the movie to express your displeasure toward them (i.e. "I find your lack of faith disturbing" *pinch air*).
So there you go! Try some of these on for size and you're sure to have a more "jolly" holiday shopping experience than you've ever had before!
A Guy Witnesses An Accident"
In Texas, whilst on his mobile phone to a friend.Hilarious.With lots of infectious laughing. It's an audio tape but quite descriptive.
Swing the Baby Giggling baby follows your mouse cursor. More fun than it sounds.
| A | Arty |
| L | Luscious |
| I | Ideal |
| L | Light |
| B | Brutal |
| I | Important |
| T | Tame |
Click Ahoyyyyyyyyjapanese old man- Humorous Japanese Magician.
Mine hands down will be the ad for lamisil. This is so disgusting that I feel like spewing up hairballs.Ever since I started seeing these guys, I've got the cleanest toes on the planet. Thanks for the head trip, buddy. And you don't limit the assault to just tv, do you? You slimy little parasite. You attack me all over the web, as well. Because I just love watching insects lift toenails to about a 45 degree angle, and then crawl under and start digging a foxhole. I'll bet you've got a deal worked with the fast talking asshole. It's not bad enough that we're being invaded by bed bugs. I've gotta worry about toe-gremlins. And here's the most annoying part. Lamisil has just what I need to fight these beasties. That is, if I don't mind diarrhea, upset stomach, nausea, abdominal pain, flatulence (love that one), rash, itching, hives, and liver abnormalities. But it will clean my toes, right? I want the Snapple lady backkkkkkkkkkkk!!
Pretty funny…..what?…You don’t speak French, oh well you’re outta Luck! Hon! Hon! Hon! [That’s French for Laughing]
You can see them all Here.
Is your dog digging a lot
of holes? We may have the answer to why__ your dog may be suffering from acute identity crisis syndrome.It has been estimated that ninety percent of all dogs have an owner identity complex. This is due in large part to poor self-esteem. Your best friend may believe that he'll be stuck in a rut without the chance to get a leg up on life.After a group of prominent dog psychologists determined that many of today's dogs are digging themselves deeper and deeper into a hole, the Department of Homeland Security funded a study that found that the canines were attempting to dig their way to China in hopes of fleeing a dog's life.Help is now available, so that dog owners can put their mutts on a line of credit and the pathway to better self-esteem and success. Your dog may be eligible to receive Dog House Equity Loans by law, that are also F.I.D.O. insured. With a Dog House Equity Loan, canines are finally empowered to improve their dog houses, and consequently, increase their dog-house equity; all while improving their self-respect and quality of life.Don't force your dog into the dog poor house. Get him to apply for a Dog House Equity Loan before the crap starts to pile-up. Your dog will be so happy with his new digs, and you won't get stuck in the dog house.Once your dog's Dog House Equity Loan is secured, as he is your legal guardian, you may be required to assist in his home improvements__ refer to the landmark case of Rover Vs. Wade for more information.
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