Monday, January 15, 2007

10 New Years Resolutions Already Broken

10Go to church/synagogue/mosque. "Ooh, that's really early on a weekend."9Stop gossiping. "But seriously, Donald Trump called Rosie a what?"8Keep up with current events. "Wait, did a head of state just die?"7Party less. Border every *other* night.6Drink more water. "Tonic water counts right?"5Go on a diet. For those 21 and over, that means Coors Light and rum and Diet Coke. For those of you under 21 (and obviously not drinking), diet soda, cheese pizza and fat-free ranch.4Exercise. Walking on the ice is like running on the treadmill anyway.3Eat balanced meals. Cheeseburger (dairy and protein), beer (starch), onion rings (vegetables) and the orange slice on the plate (fruit).2Spend less� "Oh, is that a new Prada bag?"1Stop procrastinating. "But I am going to start after the first weekend back."

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