The Stock Market-

With the stock market in the news, here is a brief guide to todays activity
" Helium was up;
"Feathers were down;
"Beef steered into a bull market;
"Paper was stationary;
"Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading;
"Pencils lost a few points;
"Hiking equipment was trailing;
"Elevators rose;
"Escalators continued their slow decline;
"Weights were up in heavy trading;
"Light switches were off;
"Mining equipment hit rock bottom;
"Shipping lines stayed at an even keel;
"The market for raisins dried up;
"Coca Cola fizzled;
"Caterpillar stock inched up a bit;
"Balloon prices were inflated;
"Scott Tissue touched a new bottom;
"Knives were up sharply;
"Sun stocks peaked at midday;and the best one ...
"Diapers remain unchanged