Sunday, January 28, 2007

Boon-Doggled Bob

Yours was the second-to-last store that I shopped at today. Well, tried to shop at, in any event. This letter is to apologize for my conduct.I simply didn’t realize that it was corporate policy to have all four employees leave the floor and stand around in the stock area eating Subway sandwiches as soon as the door alarm “bonged” to alert them to the fact that a potential customer had finally walked through the front door.To your employees’ credit, they kept a close watch, taking their eyes off me only when I looked at them to see if there was any chance that they might help me, as I prowled the store, looking for a video cable and two mounting brackets for speakers. You will be happy to know that they were watching to make sure that I didn’t steal anything. They sure as hell weren’t watching to see if I needed any help.When the second set of customers of the day finally came in, the pimpliest employee sauntered out, sandwich in hand, and, noting that I was engaged in calming breathing exercises, walked past me to help them.I am truly sorry that I walked to the back, approached the manager, and told him that I sincerely hoped that my pathetic efforts to spend money in your store had not, in any way, interfered with the staff group-lunch. Sorry, because the dripping sarcasm was wasted on a drooling, slack-jawed pot of lard whose attention was clearly focused on the flaccid meat, fetid cheese and limp brown lettuce that he, so obviously and desperately, wanted to shove in his gaping cake hole.The sandwich won his attention. I shopped elsewhere, and am now sitting at my computer, taking very deep breaths and swearing never to shop at this store as long as I live.Yours Truly,Bob Johnson

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