Tuesday, January 09, 2007

5 Reasons to Retire Early

Reason #1: None of your co-workers really care how you’re doing. Not even the ones who actually like you. If you have trouble accepting this obvious fact, see how long anyone will listen to you talk about that oozing sore on your ankle, or the painful canker that you keep biting when you eat.
Reason #2: Only a few people would even notice if you stopped showing up for work. Within two to three weeks, most of them would have forgotten your name. After six months, only your dusty personnel file would confirm that you had ever even existed.
Reason #3: Your boss sees you a means of reducing his own workload. That's it. Chances are that he is so stressed out that he can't afford to care that your mother is sick, your teenagers are driving you crazy, and you're getting a divorce. The minute the time that your boss has to spend pretending to be concerned about your personal problems exceeds your usefulness to him, you're gone. (This is of course entirely fair. Really, it is. Let's face it; you don't really care about his daughter's scholarship to Princeton or his son's latest soccer trophy, do you?)
Reason #4: As soon as it becomes convenient to replace you, or to phase out your position, you will get fired. If your sick mother, your rebellious children, or your divorce interfere with your work, you will get fired. If someone higher on the corporate food chain screws up, and needs to blame someone else, you will get fired. No matter how highly skilled you may be, at the end of the day you're a cog in a huge, impersonal machine. Plus, your boss doesn't like you. Really, he doesn't. Trust me.
Reason #5: Finally, no matter what anyone says, your contribution really doesn't matter. Someone else could do your job just as well, and probably even better. If you kill yourself by working too hard, your spouse will receive a condolence card, signed by the boss' secretary and a few people she'll manage to round up, most of whom don't even know you. They'll hire someone else to do your job, and you'll still be dead. Get out while you can!HAVE A NICE DAY!

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