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  Signs your cat is too fat:
  
• Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
  
• Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
  
• Always lands on her spleen.
  
• Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
  
• Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
  
• No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
  
• Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
  
• Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
  
• It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
  
• Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
  
• He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
  
• Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
  
• Has more chins than lives.