You Might Be A Redneck If...
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
You've ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.